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Friday, August 1, 2008

Florida Sandman Discovered


Out on a morning stroll in the surrounding swamplands, Jasper Tallywhacker was unprepared for the powerful nauseating stench that assaulted his nostrils, curled his eyebrows, and had his stomach aching for explosion. This horrendous moment was soon joined by the alleged source of said stench: A Skunk-Ape. Also known as the Florida Sandman, the most consistent characteristic ascribed to skunk-apes is the smell. It is said that they have a rather extreme odor that is nauseating. An egregious stench such as this was typically ignored by Jasper as the emanations from his wretchedly unwashed underbritches. But sensing that his destiny was upon him, he whipped out his trusty Piggly Wiggly toss-away camera and snapped away.
Known around town as the "trickster monkey," detractors dismiss his "find" as just another of old drunk Jasper’s cornball tricks. Others insist it is simply a picture of his stupid brain challenged brother, Ennis, in a cheap skunky mask. Since nobody knows for certain, the swamplands are avoided just in case. Jasper meanwhile enjoys his celebrity and the perks that come with it, most notably the swarm of Skunk-Ape groupies. “Life is good then it gets better,” says Jasper. “Whou’lda knowed it’d be me to find that dang ol’ Skunk-Ape? Yep, that’s my story and I’m stickin to it!” A groupie moves in for a quick snuggle. Yes, life is good.

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